You’re Welcome
What would happen if this standard reactive phrase became a proactive phrase? You. Are. Welcome.
Listen to Kevin read this post.
“You’re welcome” is a phrase that is typically reactive in our society — an expected response to “Thank you.” But for my mother, “you’re welcome” was a proactive statement; it was the maxim of her life — You. Are. Welcome.
When people met Mary Fong, she greeted them by saying “I’m so happy to see you!” She greeted folks this way whether she was meeting them for the first or the thousandth time and she meant it. She followed her greeting with two more simple words, “oy nee” (love you in her dialect) Over time, she came to be known, wherever she went, as the oy nee lady. In fact, some people were convinced that “oy nee” was her name. Her eyes sparkled and her sincere joy proved contagious. Her gift was to make everyone around her feel welcome.
At the Kahakulei Institute we recognized that mom was on to something important. As we work to cultivate communities of belonging we follow ten community practices. Mary Fong’s spirit, her unabashed greeting to friends and strangers alike, became the foundation of our first community practice:
Be present and welcoming. Presume you are welcomed.
Our interactions, post-pandemic, have changed. We gather in person less often; fewer handshakes and hugs, and more screen time with affirmations sometimes relegated to “thumbs up” emojis. But the fact that we must connect to each other in order to do good work together has not changed. In fact, what we’re seeing in our work is a greater need to embody the practices that will reignite our collective imagination and engagement.
We all learn more effectively in spaces that welcome us. Part of our approach is to intentionally disrupt a typical “work meeting” by welcoming you in with music, poetry, and our warming hands activity. We make it a point to greet each person by name. In other words, when you enter Kahakulei space, we are saying, “we’re so happy to see you.”
At a recent gathering I facilitated with a team of attorneys at a public policy firm in Washington D.C. one of the more formal lawyers walked in and, uncharacteristically, announced, “I always love coming to Kahakulei gatherings because I know there’s going to be this great music, and I can just relax and be myself.” We strive to create a context where one can show up in their full humanity.
The second part to this community agreement — presume you are welcomed is key, especially in the workplace. In a hierarchical work environment, workers may find themselves conditioned to respond to those who possess more institutional power. This pattern reinforces the tendency for those with power to “set the tone”. In effect, workers will wait to be invited, to be welcomed. And, as you know, most of the time, that welcome never comes.
My good friend, Charles, always nods his head and smiles when he hears this community practice. “As a Black man in the United States of America, I cannot presume I am welcomed anywhere,” says Charles. “Not in the grocery store, not at the gas station, not walking down the street. These four words — presume you are welcome — they make a big difference for me. They change everything for me and how I feel I can show up.”
How different would our workplaces and schools be if every person felt that they were welcome and belonged? One of our clients — a teacher — started playing music as their students entered the classroom. “We bonded over terrible dance moves and mini lip-sync performances of our favorite songs. I think the music helps students see my classroom as a safe and positive place.”
At the Kahakulei Institute, we know that people can’t work effectively without this first step. To cultivate communities of belonging, we need everyone, and we can’t get everyone if folks don’t feel like they can be in the space to begin with.
The times that we find ourselves in — where we are more disconnected from each other than ever — call for leaders with the will and the skill to bring everyone along. Such a feeling can’t occur by accident. Instead, by following Mary Fong’s example, each of us may better serve ourselves and our communities by finding the means to deliver the message: You belong here. You are welcome. I am so happy to see you!
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
- How do you provide a welcoming space in your homes, workplaces and communities, including your virtual spaces? Consider all five senses — music (sound), signage (sight), food (taste), etc.
- What do you need to do to prepare yourself to be able to say, “I’m so happy to see you?”
